I often go around stating my theories (posting them on Facebook) , and raising eye-brows , inviting chappals and abuses, …… Some people think am stupid and these theories are a waste of time , some feel though they r useless , they are worth documenting !!
So this blog is dedicated to all my friends (esp. Amogh) who encouraged me to start blogging ………….. (just in case u start hating my blog , you know whom to kill ) .
So let me start with ‘My theory of Relativity’-on marriages . Am not married and nor will anyone marry me , so here comes hypocrisy ……
I often hear people debating on Love Marriage v/s Arranged Marriage . Most say the former is a better choice over the latter as you know the person u will marry completely . In my opinion i would rather go for an arranged marriage and precisely for the same reason .
Its like picking natural death over suicide ……. where u are at-least unaware of the cause of your death .
Theory 1 :
[Obvious fact]: Nobody is happy after marriage …………… those who are ……. “Whom are u kidding ?? ”
Case 1 :: Say you had a love marriage …..
Your family members will keep complaining of how your wife is a disaster and how she ruined their life . They’ll always keep telling you that ‘Beta you should have listened to us , ur uncle had suggested a better girl . That girl was well cultured and respected elders ….blah blah blah …..etc. etc. ’ . Your relatives will stop visiting you . They’ll make weird faces the next time they see you , they start thinking that your a big criminal . You don’t get any share in the property when some relative dies ….. etc. etc .
This was about people from your side . Now lets take a look at the species associated with your wife ……. your in laws ..duh !!!
Similar case …. they too are offended . They too think their daughter has married a chimpanzee . They wont support you but will expect you to support them and all their relatives . The same old story ………… People on both the sides think your an ass .
Actually you are one……. N finally you are left with no choice but your wife …… right (they are soo right)……
Well now after marriage there is no romance left ………. as all the experiments have been carried out before marriage there is nothing much left . All is left is your wife’s expectations that you will do as she says (jus lik before marriage) …….. fulfill all her wishes (like u used to prior to your marriage) . What she doesnt understand is ….. you did all that crap just to impress her and convince her to marry you …and now that you are married ….(mission accomplished) …… why would you ??
N then starts the “You have changed soo much ” and “You were not the same person i wanted to marry” and “My mom was right , i made a mistake” thing starts…………
Result :: Everyone blames you (including yourself) for the consequences………… you start hating yourself ……. you are divorced …… no-one will marry you …… and along with your taxes you now also pay ‘alimony’ …….. Surely a dream come true ……
Case 2 :: You had an arranged marriage …
There’s a lot of time for romance (experiments ) . You will spend the initial few months in peace …as you dont know each other that well . Your wife has no expectations so relax …. But eventually you will reach your destination ……. Unhappiness !!!! But on the positive side , you are not responsible for any of the consequences . Now you can tell your family members wat a disaster they asked you to marry to . You can always keep emotionally blackmailing them “you should have listened to me …. i had a better choice ….. why did we listen to uncle ?? …..the girl i had in my mind was well cultured and respected elders ….blah blah blah …..etc. etc.” . Now you can stop visiting your annoying relatives . You can make weird faces the next time you see them ….. and now you can make them look like criminals …….. Viola !!! This is exactly what we wanted …dint we ??? Wait theres more …. now you get more share in the property (they want to compensate in some way for putting you through all this) …… You can make your people do whatever you want via emotional blackmail . You can also dictate terms (to a certain extent) on the other side (species associated with your wife/in-laws). Your in-laws will respect you no matter what ….. (remember you were their choice…..).
Moral of the story :: Go for an arranged marriage ……….. you can still be the boss …
Now the next part is to select a partner from the right profession . A lot of people say that how having your partner in the same profession is a plus . They say your partner will understand you .I say … this is exactly what you dont want ……. your partner must never understand you …if you want to have a successful marriage …
Say …..
If i marry a IT female .. itll be hard to convince her that i work really hard ..
in this case …..
MyWife : “Honey can u make me some coffee??”
Me: “No , u do it , Im too tired …”
MyWife : “Of wat …pinging every machine in the network , or typing ‘sudo apt-get update’??”
N we hav a huge fight ….. n our marriage is over .
In the 2nd case if my wife is a non-IT female ….. say a doc .
MyWife : “Honey can u make me some coffee??”
Me: “No , u do it , Im too tired …”
MyWife :”Really ….wat did u do ??”
Me : “Honey….. i established a connection with almost every machine in the huge network … had to send icmp packets …and analyze the replies…… After all this i had to find new packages for the current system …. download them …..and unpack the tar balls …..n not only that „„, had to install all the new packages …. all by myself “
MyWife : “Aww …… are they out of their minds .. they mak u work so hard …….”
Me: “I noe Honey …… but thats life … we hav to struggle ..”
MyWife : “Ill get some soup for u …… take some rest Honey”
Me: “So hw was ur day ??”
MyWife :”Not as hectic as urs … jus attended abt 50 patients ….. but Honey u take care…”
And we live happily ever after ……..
These were my thoughts …… some jovynyzms ….. on tying the right knots ..
